Wednesday, January 30, 2008


Mid term is coming up right after cny. There are tonnes of work to do which i'm trying to catch up on. Tomorrow would be my presentation on cts. But i'm not really that freak up unless some people like jarrod decides to come in my class.=p
Valentines day is coming, mummy birthday also. cny also. Lots of things to do and prepare.
Chatted with syateer and david that day. It feels so good talking to them and remembering all the fun we had during A-Levels. We'r meeting one day, and i'm sure it will be a blast. =)

Monday, January 14, 2008

Black Secrets

Unexpected things always happen in life.

Sometimes a person may die so sudden that you question yourself during his/her ceremony whether had you treated her/him well enough? Or did you do your responsibility well enough and there won't be a slight regret in it?

Sometimes we take things for granted. Its only when we loses it, we start to appreciate it and ask ourself questions that is no longer useful anymore. There isn't a point in knowing the answer to the question because it doesn't really matter after the thing we took for granted is no longer there.

There are things in life that i did which i am not proud off. I lied, I stole things, I never respect my parents and I never study well.
When i lie, my brain would say it's just a lie so small. As you lie more, you start to not notice the how lies affect you. Maybe lying is better because in the real world and society it is just too cruel.

When i steal, i have many reasons as to why i should steal. I steal because i want things which my parents won't give me. I steal because i think mummy pamper big sis more. so i have the right to steal. What i never thought of, they gave me shelter, they gave me love that no one will ever pour on me and they gave me a family which never fights during dinner or any other times. From then on, I stopped stealing. Mainly because i understand things now.

I never respect them because i think that they care more of my other sisters and not me. I'm never allowed to go out with my friends unless it is a school trip, i'm never allowed to buy things that i want. As i grew older, i start to understand what kind of attitude i have got. If my parents allowed me to go out every night, i would be taking drugs right now, having sex with many different guys and maybe get aids. I need the curfew to control myself from being influenced by the outside world. And when i'm allowed to go out after 12am, i appreciate it even more. I still buy useless things now, but i do think twice whenever i want to buy things. So i guess that is an improvement huh.

People who knows me, would say that i don't study well. I don't. I have my A-Levels results to prove it. =p I wasted 17k and time in playing games, going mamak and etc. But i know that when i want to score flying colours i can do it as proven in my study skills exam.

See, some things in life i am never proud off But i'm most certain that i am proud of being nice to old people, to have a heart to give more if i could, and to treat my friends as though their my sisters.

I'm proud of being a true friend to them. I'm proud of being a good girlfriend to John. I'm definitely proud of having this wondeful family; a mother that cooks very well, a father that pamper us so much, a sister that always study smartly,and two sisters which i love and appreciate even more. I'm proud of you all, are you all proud of me?

If your not, maybe i have flaws. I admit i do because no one is perfect. If your proud of me, then i'm here to say thank you an we'r here to keep this relationship or friendship strong.

If i'm non-existence to you, then might as well send the message here and let me know. No matter how long we known each other, or how much care i give to this particular relationship or friendship, if i'm no-existence to you then i'm sorry to say that i have to rest now. Tolerating is very hard for me right now. I have had enough of it and i need to breath sometimes. Ther eis nothing stopping you from leavig because i don't think your worth it anymore. As much as i like this relationship or friendship to say, it will never work out because you have already gave up on me.

This is the deepest of a black book secret

Friday, January 11, 2008

Maybe Someday

You said you needed your space too
You said that you can't go out with friends, yum cha, ta kei and play sports
You said that it is unfair to you
You said that your bored of it and everything

So, I'll give you your freedom
Everything that you wanna do will be a yes from now on
Go and play for as many hours as you like
Stick your ass to the chair and just play
I'll let you do anything you want
Since you said that i can do anything i want, but you can't
I'll give you your freedom
I will never say no to what you request

Have you every thought that all i ever wanted was to have you
By my side always
Every single hour, every single minute
I guess you never know how much you really meant to me
And how much i really love you
I love you more than i love myself

I'm sorry because i was too selfish
I'm sorry because i put myself first rather than putting you above it
And now, I'll shut up
You told me you got meeting and your not able to accompany me for lunch
I said, its okay
I succeeded in smiling pretending that it was okay
You got tricked thinking i was okay
You accompanied me to my car
Instead i say nevermind, you can go for your meeting
So you said okay and bye dear with a peck in my cheek
I walked a little more and turn around,hoping that you will see me walk in my car
Suprisingly your not there
You walked away so fast
Today, i drove back alone without you in the car

I needed you
I wanted you to be with me
It's a Friday, our Friday baby!
Have you forgotten?

I'm not used to not having you holding my hand when i walk around
I'm not used to not hearing your voice
I don't want to get used to it
But i will try
And maybe one day i won't need to hear your voice that frequently
I won't need to have my hand hold on
And i certainly won't need your companionship anymore

And when that time comes, Don't ask me why i don't need you any longer
Because you told me you needed your freedom
You asked for it, you wanted it, you got it
Maybe someday, I'll let go everything

Come What May

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

A Lil Bit About Love

" Perhaps all the questions we ask of love, to measure, test, probe and save it, have the additional effect of cutting it short. Perhaps the reason we are unable to love is that we yearn to be loved, that is, we demand something (love) from our partner instead of delivering ourselves up to him demand free and asking for nothing in return but his company."

MAN:Dime porque lloras-----------------------------Tell me why are you crying?

LADY:de felicidad--------------------------------------From happiness

MAN:y porque te ahogas----------------------------And why are you so choked up?

LADY:por la soledad----------------------------------Because of loneliness

MAN:di porque me tomas---------------------------Tell me why are you holding
fuerte asi, mis manos-------------------------my hands so tighty
tus pensamientos---------------------------And your thoughts seem to carry you away
te van llevando

LADY:Yo te quiero tanto-----------------------------I love you so much!

MAN:y porque sera---------------------------------And why is that?

LADY:loco testarudo---------------------------------Don't be so crazy and stubborn
no lo dudes mas------------------------------Stop doubting me!
aunque en el futuro---------------------------Even if the future holds
haya un muro enorme------------------------a vast emptiness for me
yo no tengo miedo----------------------------I'm not afraid
quiero enamorarme quiero enamorarTE------I just want to love you

MAN:No me ames-----------------------------------Don't love me
porque pienses--------------------------------because you think
que parezco diferente-----------------------I seem different

LADY:tu no piensas que es lo justo----------------You don't think it's right
ver pasar el tiempo juntos------------------for us to spend this time together?

MAN:No me ames--------------------------Don't love me
que comprendo----------------------because I know
la mentira que seria-----------------what a lie it would be!

LADY:Si tu amor no merezco-----------------If you don't think I deserve your love
no me ames----------------------------then don't love me
mas quedate otro dia------------------Just stay another day here

MAN:No me ames----------------------------------Don't love me
porque estoy perdido-----------------------because I'm lost
porque cambie el mundo-------------------because I change the world
porque es el destino------------------------because it's destiny
porque no se puede------------------------because this is impossible
somos un espejo---------------------------We are like
y tuasi serias------------------------------a mirror image of each other
o que yo de mi reflejo-------------------And you would become what I am

LADY:No me ames---------------------------------Don't love me
para estar muriendo------------------------to be dying
dentro de una guerra-----------------------in a war of regret
llena de arrepentimientos
No me ames---------------------------Don't love me
para estar en tierra-------------------to remain tied
quiero alzar el vuelo------------------to the ground
con tu gran amor-----------------I want to soar with your love
por el azul del cielo--------------through the blue sky

MAN:No se que decirte-----------------I don't know what to say
esa es la verdad------------------That's the truth
si la gente quiere-----------------When people want to
sabe lastimar----------------------they can really hurt you

LADY:Tu y yo partiremos---------When you and I part
ellos no se mueven---------they will remain unmoved
pero en este cielo-----------But now, in this big sky
sola no me dejes------------don't leave me all alone

MAN:No me dejes, no me dejes------------Don't leave me...don't leave me
no me eschuches---------------------Don't listen to me
si te digo "no me ames"---------------when I say "don't love me"

LADY:no me dejes, no desarmes------------Don't leave me
mi corazon con ese "no me ames"-------Stop breaking my heart with that "Don't love me"

MAN:No me ames, te lo ruego------------Don't love me, I'm begging you
mi amargura dejame----------------Leave me with my bitterness

LADY:sabes bien, que no puedo-----------You know very well I can't do that
que es inutil-------------------------That it's useless
que siempre te amare--------------That I'll always love you

MAN:No me ames---------------------------Don't love me
pues te hare sufrir--------------------I'll only make you suffer
con este corazon que-----------------with this heart
se lleno de mil inviernos--------------that is full of a thousand winters

LADY:no me ames------------------------Don't love me
para asi olvidarte------------------to forget
de tus dias grises-----------------your sad grey day
squiero que me ames--------------I want you to love me
solo por amarme-----------------because you love me

MAN:No me ames---------------Don't love me
tu y yo volaremos-----------You and I
uno con el otro----------------will soar with each other
y seguiremos siempre juntos------and continue together forever

LADY:este amor es como el sol que sale---------This love is like the sun
tras de la tormenta---------------------------that comes out after a terrible storm

BOTHcomo dos cometas------------------Like two comet
sen la misma estela------------------in the same galaxy

MAN:No me amesNo me amesNo me ames

LADY:No, no me amesNo me amesNo me amesNo me ames

*taken from Andrea Fonseka Blog*

12 Angels

Big sis send me a birthday card all the way from Bath, Uk. In front of the card were 12 angels smiling so prettily. Then i open the card and she says, Don't be naughty because i will know. And there are 12 angels looking on you since i'm not here. It is a really nice beautiful card. Thank you.
Just when i thought i'm free from her sight, she send me this. =/. Big sister will always look out for you. eshhhh
I'm going to genting this wed night. When i was telling my friends happily, they sudenly say that they are short of car because some guy got money and he decide to modify his jazz until it was to low. Now my happiness is crash. Whylah you modify? If you have so much money go and invest rather than wasting your time modifying it.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

To Err Is Human

Everyone makes mistake in their life and Sometimes more than once. I made so many mistake in my life that i couldn't even count it with my own fingers. I need my toes and other people toes to help. =p

I've made some and regretted some but not all of it. In christanity( if i spelled it correctly) premarital sex is a sin, being gay is a sin, being a lesbian is also a sin, abortion is difinitely one, and obviously adultery is HUGE SIN. But some comment saying he is a man, i repeat, he is a man. And to reply that, so what if he is a man with a penis to fuck? So what his a minister of health with money fully loaded? That doesn't give him the right to commit adultery and betray his wife love and his children's trust. I agree that to err is human till a certain limit. Adultery is out of the limitation and he deserve to be punish. But i guess his not charge of adultery, instead people are griefing over a loss in the government.

People say how good he is, blah blah blah, how much he did for the government and etc. I don't know much about his didication towards the government, but i'm very sure he committed adultery which is not suppose to happen especially to our very own health minister. EX minister now.. We see them as a role model(some) and we are urge to follow in their own footsteps one day.I say that it's total bullshit. I'm glad as hell that his our ex minister now.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Sex Caught On Tape

Today big news was about the johor minster that was caught on tape having sex with a woman which is OF COURSE NOT HIS WIFE. Fucking bastard dick should be cut off and feed to a dog. I understand that sometimes it's the political tricks to bring someone down. Nevertheless, he have a wife at home and kids. CAn't he go back home and have lovey dovey sex with his wife rather than having sex with another woman WHICH IS NOT HIS LEGAL WIFE?? You deserve to be punish like that because of your cruelty and adultery acts. Not only i hope you fail in political areas but i hope you die so fast, even your mother can't recognize you. That was translated from cantonese to english. Pardon me, but seriously he deserve to be punish. Maybe he was to ugly face or to dog face, that is why they video tape him. What was the other girl thinking also? Your having sex with an old mannnnnn. His dick would be so so droopy and ugly and his balls would be hanging so down till his knees. EWWWWWWW!. This is hilarious knowing a girl would do such a thing. I mean, will you even have fun having sex with him? I'm guessing your to blinded by his money. I'm so glad that the law issued, that now the legal wife can sue the third party for ruining their marriage and cause mental breakdown and etc etc. INstead, the wife says she will stand by him. I'm sorry for her because she got no other choice also because of her kids.YOU OLD BASTARD, YOU SHOULD BE BEGGING DOWN ON YOUR KNEES SINCE SHE FORGIVE YOU, YOU MOTHER FUCKING BASTARD WITH SMALL DROOPY DICK!!!

Will i be sued for defamation? CHIBAI MAN.