Have been studying real hard for my finals and i think i did pretty well. It's my first time aiming for a HD in a certain subject. So i work extra harder and memorize the whole freaking notes hoping what i aim will come true. I never aim in my life becuse i don't want to be dissapointed. It hurts when i fail to achieve. It hurts even more to know that i can be that stupid to aim so high. And because i never aim in life ever before, it makes my life easier. I don't need to work extra hard in exams, and i don't really need to care.
I also never care about anything in life. I never really care bout me and him fighting, or my parents. I just follow what they say and whatever with it. I'm like yeah, whatever then that is it. I don't go and ask questions or disagree with them. Maybe i'm just too lazy to talk, so i rather just go along with whay they say. I think not caring is good,because then i don't need to feel sad, or angry or get piss with people. But, sometimes i think not caring is being too cruel. Its like i'm being to hard on. And if i were to brak up with him, i will cry, then i would be strong again to not show him how weak i am. i'll laugh and joke around, but it's just the outside i'm showing. Faking sometimes helps me in showing that i'm tough, i dont need anybody when i'm down and i can stand back on my own feet. Then, where do i cross the line of pretending and protecting myself?
I can say that i don't need love or friends. I just need to have myself and family. Yet, when my friends hurt me, i still feel a pinch in my heart. Should i kneel to my true feelings? Or should i be strong because i'm a girl?
I don't need your symphatize. You can keep it. Instead i will feel pity for you, because u can never protect yourself from getting hurt. You will keep on getting hurt and cry for all the pain u have.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not pretending. i'm being myself. But sometimes i don't like to show how weak i am. You can see me laughing and smiling, and you might think i'm fine. In actual fact, i'm crying slowly and painfully.